In Christianity we have the concept of original sin – many Muslims believe that any problems we may have in life are a punishment from God. Hindus and Jews – I have no idea what their slant is on this. So, for now, let’s assume they have it right. In this case, I have no idea what my ancestors or I, did, but it sure must have been something serious. Mass murder, extreme cruelty to children – pulling the heads of daisies? (I have no celestial yardstick to measure this against, and no real idea what standards God or his angelic hordes use to make such decisions).
I’ve just realised what it is! My friend John Willingale and I were the best of friends and we bought an old windup record player. We then found an empty can, punched holes in the side and attached it to the turntable of the record player, (this was after taking out the thingy that regulated the speed). Next we collected some ants and some gullible youngsters and asked the youngsters, ( youngsters being around 7 and 8 years old – younger than us more mature boys at 10), to bet on how many ants would come out the holes in the can when we turned the record player on. Of course, not knowing much about centrifugal forces, we thought one or two would, only they never did; BUT, we made a profit and the youngsters went away disgruntled and poorer.
This must be a terrible sin because I used to watch a TV programme in Saudi Arabia called Issues and Answers chaired by a Dr. Salahuddin, a bigoted nasty man who was always going on about “THE WEST” in the worst possible terms. One guy wrote to him to enquire about the sin of putting on or taking off the left shoe first. Now if you become a sinner for taking off the wrong shoe or entering the bathroom the wrong way, spinning ants AND robbing helpless children must be a real biggy! WOW AND DOUBLE WOW! It explains the clotting problem, arthritis, leukaemia and what ever other health problems I may have. Silly me not realising this before.
The ants in the can? They all survived, but did sort of walk round in circles for a while after we tipped them out.
All I know this morning is that someone unseen is twisting red hot knives in my ankle. Sure I can walk, but walking is about as easy as climbing the north face of the Eiger without arms. OK OK, daft comparison, because not only have I never even thought about climbing the north face of the Eiger, but I have both arms. No doubt the steroids will kick in soon, then they can go about reducing bone density, lowering my resistance to infections and whatever else steroids do to damage your health. It’s balancing act, and the side effects of steroids worry me not one bit given their benefits.
I saw on TV the opening of Top Shop and a range of clothes from Kate Moss. I also read that Kate was one of the most stylish models in the world. Well, she was standing in the window of their London shop when they unveiled it, and she looked more like a Titanic survivor than a stylish model. Maybe she’d been standing there all night, but it sure as hell looked like she’d been dragged through a hedge backwards. Just my opinion, for what it’s worth; but then, who I am to decide if she’s a style icon when my wardrobe consists of t-shirts, jeans and shorts – most of which came from consignment stores in the USA!
I must admit to owning 2 long-sleeved shirts which I love, (don’t go telling anyone. They’ll be wanting me to wear a suit and tie next – and I DO draw the line at such unnatural activities. Wearing a suit and tie is about as likely as ironing a t-shirt where I’m concerned). Both were bought when I worked in Saudi Arabia. One is a pale apple green in a very soft denim – sold to me for £2 because it was in the window and a bit dirty. The other is a Valentino – maybe a copy, but if it is, it’s a damned good one. Thin and thick stripes of muted colours woven, not printed.
Maybe I should offer to stand in Top Shop’s window. At least my hair length at about 0.5cm shouldn’t offend anyone and my trainers do have a nice yellow lining that can be seen when I wear shorts, (consignment store shorts of course).
See ya
I’ve just realised what it is! My friend John Willingale and I were the best of friends and we bought an old windup record player. We then found an empty can, punched holes in the side and attached it to the turntable of the record player, (this was after taking out the thingy that regulated the speed). Next we collected some ants and some gullible youngsters and asked the youngsters, ( youngsters being around 7 and 8 years old – younger than us more mature boys at 10), to bet on how many ants would come out the holes in the can when we turned the record player on. Of course, not knowing much about centrifugal forces, we thought one or two would, only they never did; BUT, we made a profit and the youngsters went away disgruntled and poorer.
This must be a terrible sin because I used to watch a TV programme in Saudi Arabia called Issues and Answers chaired by a Dr. Salahuddin, a bigoted nasty man who was always going on about “THE WEST” in the worst possible terms. One guy wrote to him to enquire about the sin of putting on or taking off the left shoe first. Now if you become a sinner for taking off the wrong shoe or entering the bathroom the wrong way, spinning ants AND robbing helpless children must be a real biggy! WOW AND DOUBLE WOW! It explains the clotting problem, arthritis, leukaemia and what ever other health problems I may have. Silly me not realising this before.
The ants in the can? They all survived, but did sort of walk round in circles for a while after we tipped them out.
All I know this morning is that someone unseen is twisting red hot knives in my ankle. Sure I can walk, but walking is about as easy as climbing the north face of the Eiger without arms. OK OK, daft comparison, because not only have I never even thought about climbing the north face of the Eiger, but I have both arms. No doubt the steroids will kick in soon, then they can go about reducing bone density, lowering my resistance to infections and whatever else steroids do to damage your health. It’s balancing act, and the side effects of steroids worry me not one bit given their benefits.
I saw on TV the opening of Top Shop and a range of clothes from Kate Moss. I also read that Kate was one of the most stylish models in the world. Well, she was standing in the window of their London shop when they unveiled it, and she looked more like a Titanic survivor than a stylish model. Maybe she’d been standing there all night, but it sure as hell looked like she’d been dragged through a hedge backwards. Just my opinion, for what it’s worth; but then, who I am to decide if she’s a style icon when my wardrobe consists of t-shirts, jeans and shorts – most of which came from consignment stores in the USA!
I must admit to owning 2 long-sleeved shirts which I love, (don’t go telling anyone. They’ll be wanting me to wear a suit and tie next – and I DO draw the line at such unnatural activities. Wearing a suit and tie is about as likely as ironing a t-shirt where I’m concerned). Both were bought when I worked in Saudi Arabia. One is a pale apple green in a very soft denim – sold to me for £2 because it was in the window and a bit dirty. The other is a Valentino – maybe a copy, but if it is, it’s a damned good one. Thin and thick stripes of muted colours woven, not printed.
Maybe I should offer to stand in Top Shop’s window. At least my hair length at about 0.5cm shouldn’t offend anyone and my trainers do have a nice yellow lining that can be seen when I wear shorts, (consignment store shorts of course).
See ya
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