PAINT IT BLACK

I’ve always been fairly philosophical about my various health problems, so it came as some surprise when I sank into a sort of “black hole” one day last week. There I was, writing my blog, and this sudden wave of shadows flooded over me. I stopped writing and just sat staring at my laptop wondering why I was bothering. In fact, it quickly became obvious to me that there really was little point in bothering about anything. I started writing again; but stopped a second time and sat feeling angry with myself. What did I have to be depressed about compared to some people? Hate is too weak a word to express the emotions I experienced – I can only describe it as like riding a roller coaster, and tried to stand back and look at it objectively – only I couldn’t. Motivation to do anything flies out the window.

Damn everyone else – what was wrong with being concerned about my own problems?
I guess the discussion with my Haematology Consultant started it. What he said about repairing the hole in my heart made sense – chemotherapy affects all your blood cells, including your platelets, and warfarin plus low platelets is a recipe for bleeding big time.
Active Rheumatoid arthritis, the Protein C deficiency, Chronic Lymphocytic Leukaemia, a possible liver problem, and now? More waiting to hear from the Cardiologists. Even an operation is high risk because of the drugs/leukaemia combo.

The "sod life, the universe and everyone else" passed after about an hour, but it’s been a regular visitor since then. I sit and cry, see no point in anything, and I hate myself because, to me, it feels like self-pity. I’m fine in between, but never know when it will hit. I’ve never experienced depression in my life, and it is a ghastly, hideous feeling. This simply isn’t me – not my normal “me”. This is another me – a second me that appears out of the blackness – swoops down and brings the blackness with it – fills every corner of me with a darkness beyond the normal darkness of the darkest night.

I feel guilty about putting these thoughts on paper – well, on this virtual paper anyway. I’m sure many people who read my blog will think the same as I do right now – there’s people out there a lot worse than him. You’re right, there is.

I try to rationalise these emotions when I’m feeling fine – is it chemicals causing this to happen? Is it the result of circumstances? The human brain is one of the most complex mechanisms, and trying to analyse what is happening in someone else’s head, ( almost impossible at the best of times), is a whole lot easier than trying to analyse yourself.
No, I’m not going to the doctor. I know she looks upon me as a challenge, and we get on well; but no way am I taking any mind altering drugs – I even refuse to take Cocodamol for the pain because it screws my brain up. And if I go talk to her, what else can she do? I’m managing it OK for now. If it gets worse? Not something I am prepared to think about right now. I’ve become adept recently at switching off anything further ahead than the end of next week. The future is 9 o’clock Monday morning – when I’m feeling fine anyway. When I’m not? The word “future” is meaningless.

I’ve got that out the way now. Back to writing more readable stuff in the next blog I hope. Sorry folks.

See ya

WOUNDED MILITARY AND A CHILD TAKEN

Tim Samuels did it again last night with the second in the series of Power to the People. This was about the abandoned soldier and how many fall through the cracks – become one more neglected statistic in spite of being injured in the line of duty.
Yes, I may slam the USA over many things; but I lived there for 2 years – my friend is a Veteran and I saw the facilities offered to veterans. The USA has special hospitals for Veterans – the American public respect their veterans. We in the UK should be ashamed of the way ex-service people are often treated. We remember the dead – what about those living - those injured, often permanently? We close what few hospitals they have. The government claims they get better treatment in NHS hospitals where the medical staff have more experience. Isn’t it a case of saving money? Isn’t it a case of saving money on treatment of injured military so more money’s available for the civil wars in Iraq and Afghanistan? They throw more money into Iraq and Afghanistan every week, and yet when it comes to our injured military personnel, they throw money around like a man with no arms. Priority treatment on the NHS is supposed to be the rule of thumb for injured British military. I wouldn’t call 7 months waiting for extreme pain where a limb’s been amputated priority treatment – would you?
The Queen is head of the armed forces. She may not be personally responsible, bur surely there is something she could, or should, do if she can? Surely she is as morally guilty as the government Ministry of Defence? Or are our ex-service people just retired canon fodder? Do we give a damn about them, or would we prefer it if they kept quiet and accepted what had happened - fade into the background?
Remembrance Sunday for the fallen? One day a year for those who died.
How many for those who survived? NONE!
I had thought about it before I watched the programme – I’ve read the news about military hospital closures and remember the facilities offered by the USA Veterans association.
Our government wants to emulate the USA – do something about taking a bloody good look at the VA and then compare it to the crappy way we treat our military after their service to the country has left them wounded or disabled.

My sympathies are with this McCann family and their missing daughter sure; but how come educated parents leave their child alone in that apartment and go have dinner? 5 metres or 50 metres. Who in their right mind leaves their child alone for one minute and in a foreign country? The publicity attached to this whole saga is getting out of hand. I wonder if the same enormous involvement of celebrities and hype would have occurred had it been a working class or black kid instead of a middle-class professional family? Kids go missing every year, and yet nothing on this scale has ever been seen before. The public quickly become tired of news – will the family’s attempts to keep it in the public domain cause more harm than good? I, for one, am tired of seeing yellow ribbons everywhere I look. I guess this missing child of a white, English professional couple is far more important than the 100’s of kids being blown up in Ghaza and Iraq. Has anyone given this much attention to the BBC reporter Alan in Ghaza? No! And yes, I did sign a petition calling for his release.

See ya

TO TALK OF MANY THINGS

I watched the BAFTA, (British Academy of Film and Television Arts), last night and Joan Rivers was one of the presenters. Apart from mutton dressed up as lamb, she was foul-mouthed and an embarrassment – drunk? Who knows. Maybe she always acts like that. Please USA, keep her at home – she is a really bad ambassador for your country.

The Cutty Sark, a beautiful tea clipper that is a wonderful part of England’s heritage burned last night. It was being refitted, and many timbers were off the ship; but the damage is extensive from footage after the fire was put out and there is talk of suspicious circumstances. What in God’s name would anyone get from trying to destroy something so precious? A sick psycho ar best for sure.
My mistake, I know. I should never have signed that petition for Paris Hilton, even if I did add a comment that she should go to jail and stay there, away from the public view, for the rest of her natural life.
I have now received an e-mail asking me to sign an updated petition, and the rhetoric touches my heart – made the atrial fibrillation worse.
Like the original, it begs me to sign so that she can be saved from being treated as what she really is, an ordinary human being. Poor thing! It states “Paris Whitney Hilton is an American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton.” So, she’s stinking rich? An obvious reason for letting her off the hook I guess. For the benefit of my USA readers, you are shocked, dismayed, and appalled at these events, (bet you didn’t know that!). Says she is sincere, ( yeah, yeah), apologetic and full of regret.
It goes on to ask the Honourable Arnie to think about her welfare and sign, saving her from a fate worse than death – maybe working in the laundry, or God forbid!, cleaning the toilets! What a lovely thought! Paris in prison garb, a loo brush in her hand.
God Bless Paris – it’s nice to know the USA has its very own Essex girls, albeit a rich one. You don’t know what an Essex girl is? Look it up on the web. Anyone who can write a whole book on her dog, (especially a Chihuahua), can’t be all good. I’m surprised really the dog didn’t figure in her sex video too. God help America if she’s the role model for 1,000’s of teenage girls.
You would think that a judge, especially a crown court judge, is somewhat more intelligent and in-touch than me – more in touch with what goes on in the word around him. Think again – a judge at Woolwich Crown Court, London said that we was not sure what a web site was! Are the cartoons depicting judges as old fossils past their prime a joke, or for real in some cases? I wouldn’t imagine for one minute he’d be downloading the latest Beyonce or Christine songs; but surely someone in his position should be aware of such terms, and use web sites for research too? Get the quill pen out and see if Bob Cratchet’s available to take notes. Oh, and by the way, make sure his pony and trap are waiting outside once the trial’s over.
Come to think of it, (and he is only 59), shouldn’t the judge take a quick course seeing as this is a terror trial and heavily involves this new-fangled thingy called laptops or web stuff. What the hells that eh? Anything to do with spiders by any chance? Maybe it’s those silly wigs they wear - cause brain damage like mobile phones. Mobile phones? Never knew phones could move. Bloody wonderful this modern age, eh what? Is it true that people actually travel around on these horse drawn omnibuses? Heard that people are riding in horseless carriages too, although I don’t believe a word. It’ll never catch on.

See ya

OF KIDS AND GUNS AND WAITING

What sort of man gets his 10-month old son a gun permit? Sorry to say my USA cousins, but there’s something sick about a society where this can happen. Would someone explain to me this obsession with owning a gun? Is it for protection against all the other 1,000’s of people who are out there waiting to shoot you? Is it a “man” thing – you know, the great outdoors and buddies shooting crap out of the wildlife? How does a private organisation like the NRA have so much political power? Even the “so he claimed” peace-loving John F Kennedy accepted life membership – how come? Dumb questions maybe – but a whole lot dumber letting the general public own guns in my opinion.
Statistics speak for themselves. Gun deaths in the UK are 0.01 per 1,000 – USA 0.3 per 1,000. 30 times the rate. Think that might just be connected to gun ownership?
I lived in the USA for 2 years and still don’t understand the obsession with the right to carry a gun. I prefer the right to go to school or go shopping without fear of being gunned down myself.
Is it some sort of “real man” thing? A visible symbol of male virility? If so, it sure is more dangerous than the original.
There is hope for sure – the NRA have a list of blacklisted celebrities and organisations. It includes, American medical associations, churches and law firms. Celebrities include Oprah Winfrey, Bon Jovi. Sean Connery, George Clooney and Madonna, to name but a few. Shame more politicians aren’t on the list.
Go stick that in your rifle butt Charlton Heston and all who sail with you.

I wrote a short while ago about the 200th anniversary of the end of the slave trade, and questioned why people felt they needed an apology for something that happened so long ago – why people felt the need to apologise for something they were not responsible for. How about more recent incidents, such as the forced emigration of British children during World War II to Australia? How about the government, or whatever agency was involved, apologising to the man who is still living and who only recently discovered his parents were not dead at the time he was deported? The parents who were told their child had died, whereas he had been shipped out down under? Makes the self-righteous cry for apologies over the slave trade even more hypocritical given none of that trade’s survivors still live, whereas many of kids deported during World War II do. Could it be anything to do with a sort of reverse racial bias? Whatever, it makes the recent sanctimonious speeches about the slave trade turn my stomach.
Luckily a Social Worker in Nottingham where I live took the matter into her own hands and started a charity to try and reunite people. Shame a lot of the kids deported are dead now and will never know the deception practised on them.

I have never been a patient person, and I guess this waiting for results, hospital appointments etc. should have made me more patient, only it hasn’t. Yes, I know, accept what has happened and it will fade into the background – might be easier if there wasn’t so much going on health-wise. Arthritis, the inherited clotting problem and leukaemia – all were sort of woven into the general tapestry of my life fairly soon after the last was diagnosed– now along comes the probability of the hole in my heart being closed. Not even that is simple, because any surgery involves an increased risk of infection given the leukaemia and the drugs I take for the arthritis; the anticoagulants I take involve an increased risk of bleeding; will the operation improve or make worse the atrial fibrillation I already have? No, I am not depressed or wallowing in self-pity. I just hate not knowing. I have always needed to understand any aspect of medicine because of my work in Pathology; but it’s a different ball game when you’re the patient and not the one involved in treatment. I’m not a difficult patient either – just bloody curious. I never realised before how often adverts and newspapers encourage us to think about the future. I hear people planning vacations or job plans for the next year, get asked about a possible holiday in Mexico next winter. Sorry folks, my time line for planning’s rather short right now – like about the next couple of weeks. I can’t see beyond that, and I know I should be able to, and that really pisses me off.
See ya

OF 'ARRY AND YER H'S

So Prince Harry is not going on a tour of duty to Iraq. This decision by the powers-that-be in the military has caused a lot of controversy here in England, much of it coming from families of those serving there. Harry would be a lovely target for the insurgents. Imagine the scoop for them if he was captured. Not only that, his presence will endanger the troops; BUT, he is a serving officer in the army, a Royal tradition, and as such should either go to Iraq or resign his commission- simple as that.
The anger of many people is understandable. One guy in the USA says Harry is a member of the Royal family and deserves a certain amount of respect. Not sure if that sort of forelock touching crap washes today. The Royals, Bush, Kennedys – whoever – are no different to the rest of us. They were all born, sit on the toilet every day and will die.
On the face of it I can understand peoples’ anger – it’s OK for their sons and daughters to die but not Royals. Nobody should be dying in such a pointless, asinine war. And what are Iraq’s Muslim brothers in neighbouring countries doing to help? Bugger all. Do you see any of their troops there? Of course not! They have their summits and bullshit for a few hours – they’re good at that. They love talking as long as they don’t actually have to do anything – the Irish joke translates so well here – how many Arabs to change a light bulb? Ten – one to put the light bulb in and nine to talk about it.
It’s a bloody insult to all the other brave troops fighting a war they can never win – an insult to relatives who wait for the bodies of their loved ones to come back. Bush and Blair had the foresight of ants when they started this cock-up, (sorry ants).
No, Harry should not go because he will place his troops in even greater danger than they are now. He should also resign and the Royal Family stop this dumb tradition of sons “doing their bit” in the armed forces – jolly good thing you know, what?


Ah yes tradition! Wonderful thing - maintain the old class system and all that. Anyone for a spot of hunting or golf, (pronounced gof. Such people have a ”hise” in the “cintry” with “grinds”, and go “orf” to exotic places for their hols. As per the pronunciation patterns practised by Mrs. Thatcher and most of the Conservative party until a few years ago).
I never did understand why certain people used such strange pronunciation. It was originally part of the class system, and as such denoted an educated intelligent individual belonging to what was called the “upper classes”. Eton and Harrow “public” schools stressed its use, as did certain universities such as Cambridge – Mrs. Thatcher being a typical example, her having come from Grantham in Lincolnshire where nobody talks about going “orf” somewhere – no one had a “hise”. Listen to old BBC TV productions and you will hear it. The “Sloane Rangers” used it in the 1980’s, and you can still hear it today. It’s not good English - It’s an affected, artificial English that belongs in the trash can. Regional accents were considered a sign of a lack of intelligence. Thank God for regional accents – they enrich our language.
This does not mean to say that bad English is acceptable. Reminds me of a joke from a now-defunct magazine called Punch. A taxi driver tell an obviously “upper class” woman driver to “sound yer ‘orn”. She replies “sound your h’s”.

See ya

TAXI DRIVERS, THE DRAGON AND A REAL NICE GUY CALLED TIM

The dragon, or a vision of the dragon, has been stirring for a few days now. For new readers of my blog, “The Dragon” is the name given to Chronic Lymphocytic Leukaemia. The only reason it was stirring was because of my appointment this morning. He’s gone back to sleep now for a while – the results were not bad. Well, not OK by normal standards, but my white count has not risen by much, and the absolute lymphocyte count has only increased slightly. Sleep well dragon and sleep well for a long time – please. Although asleep, he is causing problems still. I am on warfarin for an inherited clotting problem which, together with a hole in the heart and irregular heart beat has caused the strokes.
I decided I had lived with the hole for 60 years so leave well enough alone. However, (ain’t it always the same!!), the Consultant Haematologist informed me that if I need to start chemotherapy for the leukaemia, the warfarin could cause serious problems, and on his advice I now have to see the Consultant cardiologist about closing the hole. I’m sure the drugs I have taken for arthritis for 20 years are also in on the game too!
I’m a bit like a town that’s been hit by a number of tidal waves – not much else can flatten me now because there’s not much left to flatten!!
I’m still fairly philosophical, although every time I turn my thoughts to a future beyond a few weeks, something happens to bugger that up! I’m alive though, and feeling fairly healthy as long as my hands don’t get any worse. How about that guy without feet and me with no shoes? Sorry folks, as much as I sympathise with him, more worried about my shoes right now – they seem to be falling apart at an alarming rate! lol
Surprise, surprise. Sylvester Stallone has been caught trying to smuggle a human growth hormone called Jintropin into Aussie land. Not exactly earth-shattering news, is it? In case you didn’t know, Jintropin is supposed to reduce belly fat and aging wrinkles, plus increase muscle mass and boost your immune system. Is it any wonder he is like he is when his mother reads your arse for you? Send her $125 together with a photo of your backside and she’ll use it to tell you about your future – or past I guess under certain circumstances.
Tim Samuels is an investigative reporter for the BBC here in England. Not only is he a great reporter and makes wonderful programmes, he is sincere in what he does. Watched a programme last night in which he took the inhabitants, (cows and sheep too), of a Cornish village called Lanreath and dumped the lot on Islington green in London. The village was slowly dying, and he wanted to bring the loss of rural life to the attention of people. Great television, but also a reminder that these people living in small communities are just as important as city dwellers. The people of Islington looked bemused to see the animals, a huge back drop of the village, plus Morris dancers and others, filling their green. Of course officialdom stepped in, but not before they had made their point. Good for Tim – long may he continue to raise public awareness of serious issues.
I’m not quite sure I’d go to the 2008 Olympics, even if I could afford it. They are having “queue” training days for Beijing citizens to try and avoid the chaos that usually reigns on Beijing transport, and the taxi drivers are being told to clean up their act, literally and figuratively – drivers are being given special bags to spit in, rather than ejecting it out the window – plus they’re being encouraged to pay more attention to their hygiene. Inspectors will carry out “smell” tests before the games to ensure only the sweetest taxis are on duty for visitors. The mind boggles.

See ya

PAIN AND THE PONTIFF

Received a copy of the letter from my Rheumatology Consultant to my G.P. this morning. He’s putting me on a 3rd drug now, but not the anti-tnf - seems that is not exactly a good drug for someone with leukaemia. So I’m adding a quinine derivative. We’ll see. He mentioned in the letter that I still have evidence of active disease – ain’t that true! My hands remind me every day. Opening one of those “press the sides and turn” tops was easy before. I’m left-handed, and that’s my stronger hand – or was! Ha ha.
Now turning one of those caps has been added to my pet hates along with pull rings, and bubble packs! Plus I now have to have nerve conduction tests on my arms because of the altered sensation I’ve been experiencing in my hands and forearms. “We’re all getting old” was one remark made to me the other day. What a load of bullshit! My ageing has nothing to do with a disease that started 20 years ago. Fine if someone says “You’re looking good”, in a sort of pleased way; but what really pisses me off is people telling me “You look fine to me”, as though maybe I’m exaggerating. Worse than that is people who want to shake my hand! It seems so rude to not offer your hand in return, but the pain sometimes, even with a gentle grasp, makes me want to swear and swear good. My Rheumatologist NEVER offers to shake my hand – he knows.

So more waiting now for the nerve tests. Blood test Monday for the warfarin levels – Haematology outpatients Tuesday for the leukaemia. They suggested maybe I should have the hole in my heart closed, but hell – I’ve lived with it for 61 years and things have been fine since I went on to warfarin. Leave well enough alone’s my motto where that’s concerned.

See the Pope is in Brazil pontificating, (along with all his groupies of course) – well I suppose he would pontificate, him being the Pontiff. He told a crowd of thousands of young people that they should avoid the temptations of wealth! That’s bloody good coming from a man who is head of one of the richest organisations in the world – a bit like Marie Antoinette in reverse drag. Seeing as most of the young people listening to him pontificate were probably poor, he’s got a damned nerve! Maybe their concept of wealth is a bit more down-to-earth than his – you know – food on the table, a plate to eat off, running water, flush toilet. No doubt he’ll tell them God is testing them – that’s the usual argument they use to keep the peasants under control – him and all like him.

The wealth of the Roman Catholic Church is hard to measure. The Wall Street Journal claims “The Catholic church is the biggest financial power, wealth accumulator and property owner in existence. She is a greater possessor of material riches than any other single institution, corporation, bank, giant trust, government or state of the whole globe. The pope, as the visible ruler of this immense amassment of wealth, is consequently the richest individual of the twentieth century. No one can realistically assess how much he is worth in terms of billions of dollars”.
Doesn’t their bible say somewhere about not storing riches up on earth? Or do Popes have special dispensation and CAN take it with them when they go? “Do as I say, not as I do” is his motto. Considering the hundreds of years Popes have been working for the people on behalf of God, seems to me they haven’t really achieved much. Either they’ve not been doing their job properly, or God is mighty pissed at them.

See ya

LIKE - YOU KNOW - TWO P'S IN A BLOG, (3 ACTUALLY, BUT WHO'S COUNTING)

Now I am well aware that Paris Hilton is a “celebrity”. A dumb, haughty celebrity in my opinion; her arrogance now makes me classify her way above pushchair users! She wants people to sign a petition against her sentence. The petition claims that her sentence for drink-driving should be cancelled because she provides a role model for young people in the USA and all over the world!!! Not only that, it is claimed she also provides beauty and excitement in our mundane lives!!!!

Is this really what Americans want as a role model for their kids? First, having a drink-driving offender as a role model bodes ill for the future of the world, especially if it’s her. Second? My life mundane? No way!!! She adds about as much excitement to my life as a bout of dysentery would – in fact, I think I’d prefer the dysentery to her any day – dysentery goes away after a while. I don’t know who started this petition, but they need certifying and committing as quickly as possible – preferably along with her. If anything, her self aggrandisement and the slavish devotion shown by so many of her devotees makes me wonder about the future of the USA. I can only hope a random warrior with her death chariot pushchair gets her. Can’t do much about it, but I did add a comment on the petition, and it certainly wasn’t endorsing it either. Having looked at her space on myspace, it’s obvious many of her devoted fans are either illiterate or zonked out on something illegal. Figures I guess.
Prince Philip was his usual self when visiting the USA. He wanted to know how you “go” in a spaceship – referring to the elimination of body waste, to put it politely. One thing surprised me – solids are compressed for return, but liquids are ejected into space! Isn’t it bad enough we pollute the earth itself without clouds of pee floating above our heads? And will it eventually fall back to earth? Another good reason to carry an umbrella at all times.

See ya

WE'RE WATCHING YOU AND HE WATCHES THE SKY AT NIGHT

For my transatlantic cousins, Sir Patrick Moore is the presenter of a programme called The Sky at Night. This BBC programme has been running for 50 years and Patrick is now 84. He has presented all but one of the programmes during this time. Sir Patrick is eccentric and a loveable character. We need eccentrics like him in the world – they enrich life for sure. His latest claims are that television has been ruined by women. He was a great fan of Doctor Who, but argues that too has been ruined by female producers. His suggestion is that there should be two BBC channels – one for men made by men, and one for women made by women. Politically incorrect? Sure he is yes; but who cares? I, for one, don’t, and anyone who does needs to get their priorities right. He started out as an amateur astronomer and became a leader in the field of making the subject popular. He is a national treasure and long may he live.



Well I guess it’s dragon day again next Tuesday. People who have had leukaemia longer than me probably take each check up in their stride. This is only my second appointment, and the dragon that’s been sleeping for a while has woken. In fact, he woke up early – 2 weeks ago, when the routine blood test from the G.P. showed a rise in my white count by 2,000. Probably not significant, but this is still new to me, even though I was a biomedical scientist. It’s ironic really. I chose not to specialise in Haematology, and here I am with both CLL AND an inherited clotting problem.

We in the UK are the most watched people in the world. There are more CCTV cameras per head of population than anywhere else. Orwell’s 1984? Maybe, especially now loudspeakers are now being linked to the cameras. Some people complain about invasion of privacy – I say they are a good thing with the yob culture that now exists amongst certain groups of young people – binge drinking, behaviour intimidating other citizens, fights. Two young thugs were caught on CCTV attacking and kicking an innocent man standing at a bus stop. One stamped on his head after they had knocked him to the ground. The person monitoring the scene had the police and ambulance there in minutes – the sub-human attackers were arrested and the guy was rushed to hospital. CCTV evil? A necessary evil given the way certain elements of British society are heading. What would I do with them? Forget ASBO’s, (Anti Social Behaviour Orders), forget “it’s their environment” and all that crap. Shoot the bastards – put them, and us, out of their misery. They’re worse than mothers with pushchairs, and that’s saying something coming from me.

See ya

THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY

The acting deputy general secretary of the Association of Teachers and Lecturers has suggested the National Curriculum for schools is too restrictive and should be changed to include life skills, like how to walk.
I think this is a wonderful idea – children need to know how to walk under different circumstances such as running for a bus – well, running’s not walking I know; but if lessons in walking are needed, how much harder is it for them to run unless taught correctly? There are so many life skills they could learn under this scheme – walking is only one. How about swinging their arms in time with their legs when walking? Doing that correctly expends less energy and prevents you looking like an ape parading the streets. And then there’s sitting down and standing up too – very hard for youngsters to master.
And the most important life lesson of all! How to deal with the Genghis Khan mothers and their death chariots! THAT is one hell of an important life skill! It’s terrifying enough for an adult who towers over the war machine. How do you think it must be for a kid? There he or she is walking hand in hand with their mum or dad dreaming of a packet of crisps or a burger, when along comes this chariot at eye level. Worse still towering over that is the 21st century Boadicea longing for a chance to mow down some defenceless 5-year old. Knocking a toddler off his feet scores more points than smashing an adult’s ankles. In fact, this may be the reason for so many problem teenagers today – they were traumatised as youngsters. “And why did this not happen when I was a kid?”, I hear you ask.
Simple explanation - when you were a kid pushchairs were basic devices that looked like they’d been folded up even when in use – the McLaren buggie for example. Maybe someone should do research into the link between today’s yob culture and the evolution of larger pushchairs and storm trooper mothers. Only in very recent years have we seen the double and triple death chariot or those built to house the baby plus the kitchen sink. Only in recent years have mothers evolved into 21st century Darth Vadas or Attila the Huns.

Is it really any wonder there are so many problems in Iraq? A Pentagon survey has found that less then half the U.S troops in Iraq think civilians should be treated with dignity and respect – more than 1/3 believed torture was acceptable if it helped get information about insurgents or saved the life of a fellow soldier and 10% of those surveyed said they had hit or kicked a civilian during their tour of duty. I’m not apportioning blame here, but men and women trained to fight a war are not trained to handle civil unrest. Army personnel dying in a war is hard enough – dying in the present situation makes the loss far worse for family and colleagues, especially when the insurgents are as fanatical and dangerous as the ones in this fiasco.

I guess I better go shopping this morning, although I’d rather go back to bed, my left ankle’s so damned painful. The only thing that stops me is, I’ve been fighting this war against arthritis for 20 years now, and I’m not about to let it win this round.

Have a good weekend.

See ya.

PLASTIC WRAP, A DECEASED GOAT AND OTHER THINGS

I have a drink problem. I don’t drink alcohol. I hate the smell of spirits, don’t like red wine, (the way it crinkles your mouth), or the sweetness of white, and beer makes me shudder. OK, I must admit to enjoying a lager and lime on a real hot day. The last drinks I had were half a glass of demi-sec about 3 weeks ago and a glass of beer last October. Not a problem for me but seems to be a problem for some people.
The amusing thing is, some assume I am a recovered alcoholic. You can tell from their sideways glances at drinking partners and the way they control their drinking. I don’t feel the need to explain why I don’t like drink and avoid going to the pub if possible. Yeah I’ve been drunk twice in my life and those two incidents were when I was young and foolish, (OK – I’m old and foolish now). I do not understand how anyone can enjoy throwing up and the headaches that go with it. And drink driving is a major offence where I’m concerned – seen too many victims of it working in healthcare. People do enjoy drinking, and I’m not an abolitionist, that’s for sure. It’s a personal choice, and my choice is not to drink.
Had I been a drinker it might have explained my raised ALT, which is a liver enzyme. Anyway, after worrying all week about that, turns out the doctor isn’t, even if it is still high. Might be caused by the drugs I take for the arthritis – who knows?

My regular readers will be sorry to hear that the new bride of a certain Mr. Tombe died after eating a plastic bag. For those of you who did not read this story, you’ll be wondering what a newly married bride was doing eating a plastic bag. Well, this was no ordinary bride – she was a goat and was “married” to Mr. Tombe by a group of village elders in the Sudan after her owner found him trying to “have knowledge of her” in the true Biblical sense. She leaves behind a kid type of kid and obviously met joy with her own kind before the end. No comment from Mr. Tombe, but I bet her early death really got his goat. I guess with the death of his wife Mr. Tombe will need a nanny for the kid. Get it? Nanny? Oh well, you can’t accuse me of not trying.

I’ve always hated plastic food wrap – it’s the work of the devil if you ask me. What with trying to stretch it AND make it cling when you use it to cover food, then struggling to remove it from pre-packaged food. The man who invented it should never have been born.
But enterprising owners of a chain of massage parlours in Orange County California found a new use for it. They saved money by encouraging their clients to use it in place of the free condoms previously supplied by the parlours. Wouldn’t shrink wrap have been better? Although I guess the heat required for the exercise might have caused some distress to the customers. A sort of boil-in-the-bag weiner.

Finally, has this Afghani woman been put out with the trash? Or maybe her husband’s hoping to get her shipped as baggage along with his other luggage, (yes, this is the sort of luggage many bring in or ship out of Saudi Arabia believe me).

Have a good weekend

See ya

OF ORIGINAL SIN, MY ANKLE AND ANTS

In Christianity we have the concept of original sin – many Muslims believe that any problems we may have in life are a punishment from God. Hindus and Jews – I have no idea what their slant is on this. So, for now, let’s assume they have it right. In this case, I have no idea what my ancestors or I, did, but it sure must have been something serious. Mass murder, extreme cruelty to children – pulling the heads of daisies? (I have no celestial yardstick to measure this against, and no real idea what standards God or his angelic hordes use to make such decisions).

I’ve just realised what it is! My friend John Willingale and I were the best of friends and we bought an old windup record player. We then found an empty can, punched holes in the side and attached it to the turntable of the record player, (this was after taking out the thingy that regulated the speed). Next we collected some ants and some gullible youngsters and asked the youngsters, ( youngsters being around 7 and 8 years old – younger than us more mature boys at 10), to bet on how many ants would come out the holes in the can when we turned the record player on. Of course, not knowing much about centrifugal forces, we thought one or two would, only they never did; BUT, we made a profit and the youngsters went away disgruntled and poorer.
This must be a terrible sin because I used to watch a TV programme in Saudi Arabia called Issues and Answers chaired by a Dr. Salahuddin, a bigoted nasty man who was always going on about “THE WEST” in the worst possible terms. One guy wrote to him to enquire about the sin of putting on or taking off the left shoe first. Now if you become a sinner for taking off the wrong shoe or entering the bathroom the wrong way, spinning ants AND robbing helpless children must be a real biggy! WOW AND DOUBLE WOW! It explains the clotting problem, arthritis, leukaemia and what ever other health problems I may have. Silly me not realising this before.
The ants in the can? They all survived, but did sort of walk round in circles for a while after we tipped them out.

All I know this morning is that someone unseen is twisting red hot knives in my ankle. Sure I can walk, but walking is about as easy as climbing the north face of the Eiger without arms. OK OK, daft comparison, because not only have I never even thought about climbing the north face of the Eiger, but I have both arms. No doubt the steroids will kick in soon, then they can go about reducing bone density, lowering my resistance to infections and whatever else steroids do to damage your health. It’s balancing act, and the side effects of steroids worry me not one bit given their benefits.

I saw on TV the opening of Top Shop and a range of clothes from Kate Moss. I also read that Kate was one of the most stylish models in the world. Well, she was standing in the window of their London shop when they unveiled it, and she looked more like a Titanic survivor than a stylish model. Maybe she’d been standing there all night, but it sure as hell looked like she’d been dragged through a hedge backwards. Just my opinion, for what it’s worth; but then, who I am to decide if she’s a style icon when my wardrobe consists of t-shirts, jeans and shorts – most of which came from consignment stores in the USA!
I must admit to owning 2 long-sleeved shirts which I love, (don’t go telling anyone. They’ll be wanting me to wear a suit and tie next – and I DO draw the line at such unnatural activities. Wearing a suit and tie is about as likely as ironing a t-shirt where I’m concerned). Both were bought when I worked in Saudi Arabia. One is a pale apple green in a very soft denim – sold to me for £2 because it was in the window and a bit dirty. The other is a Valentino – maybe a copy, but if it is, it’s a damned good one. Thin and thick stripes of muted colours woven, not printed.

Maybe I should offer to stand in Top Shop’s window. At least my hair length at about 0.5cm shouldn’t offend anyone and my trainers do have a nice yellow lining that can be seen when I wear shorts, (consignment store shorts of course).

See ya

WALK THE WALK AND TALK THE TALK

So Bush has vetoed a bill put forward by my USA cousins’ elected representatives. He claims setting a deadline for withdrawal would be setting a date for failure. Thought he had failed already. He and his crazy “war” has failed. It has alienated Iraqis, foreign governments and citizens of the USA and other countries around the world. He continued by saying that the bill substituted the opinions of politicians for the judgement of military commanders.
So, my American cousins, there you are – your elected representatives are powerless in the face of the military. Does this mean that America is no longer a democracy but a country where the military have control? If I remember rightly, the USA has previously intervened in a number of countries where the military held sway. Mmmmmmmm
I mean no disrespect to the 1,000’s of American, British and other military people who are fighting, or have died, in Iraq or Afghanistan; but surely they must be questioning the whole charade as this Bush leviathan plunders on and the number of dead civilians and soldiers mounts daily.
“I’m a pit-bull on the pantleg of opportunity”. Words of wisdom from Bush. Pit bulls are banned in Britain.

The 1st of May is celebrated in many countries, and for different reasons. It’s been celebrated for hundreds of years. It is also the date the great Exhibition of 1851 opened at the Crystal Palace in London, the Legoland family park opened in Denmark 1968, Elvis married Priscilla 1967, the Empire State building opened 1931, and the first penny black stamp was issued, (sorry forgotten the year!). Guess you know I love useless information! Trouble is, I remember most of it and forget the important things like my mobile number!

Researchers do some strange things. A group has measured the average walking speed in different countries around the world and compared to previous records, (does the U.N. keep such statistics? If not? Who? And if so, who sanctioned the money for it?). Peoples’ average walking speed has increased by about 20%, with an increase of 30% in Singapore. Not at all sure what all this means – are people wanting to get nowhere faster? My average walking speed some years ago was faster than normal. In fact, my wife used to say I took the kids for a drag rather than walk when we went out. Walking speed now is somewhat slower, thanks to the Rheumatoid Arthritis; but I’m not exactly walking at a snail’s pace – yet!

See ya

EINSTEIN'S THEORY AND A GREEDY DIVA

I’ve always been an impatient sort of guy; but these last few months since find out I had leukaemia have tempered that – to a certain extent. OK, I absorbed the leukaemia into my repertoire of health problems fairly quickly, thanks to my daughter. It was she that encouraged me to start a blog. Now the impatience is back with a vengeance. It’s Tuesday, so I only have to wait 3 days to see my doctor about the second set of results. I don’t think anything she tells me will worry me now – it’s just the not knowing. For all I know the letter stating there was nothing to be concerned about meant just that – there really is nothing to be concerned about. My father always said he cried because he had no shoes until he saw a man who had no feet. I’ve always tried to apply this to my life – but it is proving a bit hard right now, and I feel bad about that. Yes, I am well aware there are people far worse off than me, but I must be honest and say, as tragic as that person’s situation might be, I have my own problems to deal with at the moment. Does that sound incredibly selfish? I guess it does. I’m not feeling sorry for myself – self-pity has never been my scene – just confused and tired of waiting – waiting for hospital appointments, G.P. appointments, and blood test results. It’s time like this I begin to understand Einstein’s theory of relativity!

I see Barbra Streisand is giving a concert in London on the 18th July, and tickets will cost from £100-£500! The Rolling Stones concert this summer will cost you only £150 a ticket. I know she does a lot of charity work, and she says “What a joy it will be to perform in so many wonderful countries for the first time. I can't wait to experience these different audiences and different cultures." Bet she can’t want wait to swell her bank account either. Her spokesman says, “the concert is a momentous occasion that ranks up there with seeing Sinatra or Elvis". Well, I wouldn’t have paid to see either of them, and I wouldn’t pay to see her; but I do understand she has a huge following. So ,why does the greedy demanding diva have to rip people off? I guess you can get away with murder when you have the public hoodwinked – bit like politicians really – in fact, a lot like politicians.

See ya